Don't Know What to Think

Quite long time since I last wrote in here but I've been too busy... I have lot to write about and first comet the update of my life :)

So I was supposed to have Endocrinology exam week ago but as we waited it to start the lecture room filled with strange people and eventually there was no space for all. It turned out to be some other exam and our exam was canceled. It was supposed to be today but the lecturer decided to put half of it to next exam and half on final. Which is good because I had Neurobiology exam today... But the weekend first. On Friday I was home early and went to Kaisas place to see some movie (Mean Girls) and drank bottle of wine (was one glass only because the bottles are small... :P) with sparkling water. On Saturday I had really lazy day. I watched the game (again at Kaisas, and we won!), after that we watched Devil wears Prada (rented it on Friday but didn't watch it and it had to be returned by 5pm). After that it was too late to do anything (not that I really had any motivation to do anything...) so we just watched tv (Pirates of the Caribbean I). And talked with Tarmo <3 On Sunday I got some work done and ate pancakes which Kaisa made for us ^^ They were soooooo good! And of course on Sunday it's Desperate Housewinves day too :) I also heard that dad lost his job (though we knew to expect that, they had a new boss and they had to let people go, and he actually wanted to quit but it's not good to quit your job on your own or you don't get any money). So now he has no job but he still gets money. But he's too old to get any job anymore and he's been sick a lot so I hope that he retires... Or that he can retire. We'll see...

On Monday it was my birthday!!! So I'm 22 :> In the morning my parents called and I even got a card from Ashleigh! (A cat card and it was red! Am I really THAT obvious??? :D) I got a funny power point from friends from Finland and many congrats via Facebook. On my first lecture Meike gave me a smoothie and a Birthday Girl badge I had to wear the whole day :D It was fun and quite embarrassing, especially when I was alone :D At Burge a girl who swipes our ID said Happy Birthday and a group of exchange students started to sing but I quickly left :D After my lectures I came home, talked with Tarmo and Saana (haven't talked for so long time!!!). Meike and Paola invited me to their place in the evening and I had such a big surprise waiting for me! The second I stepped inside there was Seminaarimäen Mieslaulajat - Taina playing, there was a birthday cake on the table, red lights and Happy Birthday band hanging on the couch!!!! OH MY GOD! I was so touched that I had to cry! It still gets my eyes wet :) I can't say how touched I was... I did know to expect something but not anything like this... Oh... It was so nice! And I got beautiful earrings and a Hello Kitty towel :D And when I finally came back home I had a packet of Finnish chocolate and Salmiakki waiting for me from my parents :)

And on that night I had a dream where I was sleeping next to Tarmo and it felt so warm and nice, and Pollo walked there too <3

And something about the weather has to be mentioned too... it's been really windy and in the mornings (and nights) there is already minus degrees! Trees have lost most of their leaves but the grass is still green. Still feels like Finnish Spring.

Today I had my Neurobiology exam (no more night exams!!!) and the professor said that the exam is harder than the last exam was... I don't know how that's possible... There were couple of questions I didn't know but I answered to everything... I did all I could, it didn't go well but then again that doesn't tell anything. As I have said so many times, even though you get bad points, you can get a good grade... Last time I got like 66/100 and I got B... So stupid...

But now to serious things. I heard this morning some awful news from Finland. About the massacre in Jokela high school. Oh my god... I feel so bad... And the most shocking part of this is that it was in news even in here! I really don't know what to think! And I've been thinking about it the whole day! I don't know why it touches me this much. I didn't know any of them, it was far away from where I live but still I feel awful. Maybe it's because it was even in here in news and it was said in news too, that schools have always been considered as a safe place in Finland and I myself have always felt that when I'm in school, I'm safe. Lucky me that I'm not in school anymore, I don't know what I'd do... I'm afraid of mentally unstable people, have always been, but somehow I'm even more afraid now... I can't understand how no-one saw this coming??? Please do believe that when a young people say that they feel bad, they do feel bad and it's not just a puberty!!! (That's what it was considered when I was in high school...) We really need to take some serious actions... Oh I still can't believe this happened! I don't know what to think... I'm mad that he died and he don't need to face his action, he got away from this too easily! He killed young people who had their whole life ahead and a woman who possibly had children! This is so unfair! Then again it's good that he died so that the government doesn't need to take care of him (which costs a lot money). And even though I don't believe in God, I want to believe that he won't get away from this this easily. There's got to be something waiting for him. Hell or something as bad. This is stupid, stupid, STUPID! I feel so sorry for all the parents and friends. As my worst fear is to lose my loved ones, I can only imagine what they feel like if I feel this bad :(

I don't know what to say about this anymore... I don't know what to think. I'm so glad no-one asked my opinion about this today. I might have bursted into tears...

Not So Good Week

Finally I have the mood to write here. This week was pretty shit. But luckily it's over. After Mondays bad news I suddenly got in the middle of a "fight" of friends and my friendship was questioned. I felt so upset though I blame myself too. If I had kept my eyes open, I had seen this coming and wouldn't been so upset. But unfortunately I've been living inside my head and didn't see what I was supposed to see. And I usually see those things! I know I'm confusing but I don't want to get into details. So I felt miserable. Then I got sick. What a perfect week.

But I feel a lot better, we figured out the fight and hopefully that was the last time... And I think I had some fever last night too... But I feel a lot better in that field too. Today we cooked with friends in my place (and I had to clean the kitchen, again :F). It was fun and refreshing. But I still need to read something for Animal Behavior, I'll have exam on that on Tuesday. And then I'll have exams every week again until December.
So no rest for this girl until Thanksgiving week.
And it's two months even to see Tarmo!

My roommates were out last night and brought some friends with them but luckily they were here only about an hour. On Saturday I went to bed already at six! I didn't sleep but I felt so bad. And on Friday I tried to go sleeping early too but my roommates went shopping and came back and wanted to show what they had bought :)

Eight weeks... I've been just studying and living inside my thoughts. Tarmo said that our home doesn't feel like home because I'm not there :) I feel quite weird too. I feel like I'm here only like a week or so but the week is never ending week. This feels so temporary (though it is that :D)

But I don't have much to write. Just wanted you to know that I'm still kicking :)

Better Tuesday

Today was better day.

But now I've visited ER in US! No, my godmother didn't die here (can't believe I make a joke about this, but laughing has always been my method to hide from sorrow...) but I took Kaisa to there instead. She had some abdominal pain again and I tried to get her to see a doctor on Sunday but she refused to go. On Monday while we were having our lunch I said, OK, now lets go to the ER! And I'm glad I took her there, even though they still didn't know what's wrong, she got some antibiotics, painkillers and she needs to see the doctor soon again. And if the pain is not gone by tomorrow, I'll make her to see the doctor again :> And even though I missed two lectures, I'm happy that I had something to do yesterday. I was too sad to read and listen during the lectures (almost bursted in tears when Meike said that I look so tired...). And I can go to other lecture on Thursday so I actually missed only one lecture and Endocrinology isn't that bad to miss... Not that I'd want to miss my lectures but it's the easiest course I have. We were at the ER like three hours, waited only 20 minutes to see the doctor! And it was quiet and surprisingly nice there. There was even an aquarium at the waiting room (in Finland all the drunk people would brake it...). Then we went to get her medication and bought some dye for our hair! So my hair is now dark brown (and the color was supposed to be light brown though I knew this...) and I bought two lipsticks too... Beauty things make me feel better, always!
I should buy some of those everstay lipsticks for my mom too, they're so cheap in here!

So it was pretty long and exhausting day yesterday... I was so tired when I finally got back home!

Today I've been studying and I had lunch with Judith. Though I needed three cups of coffee today and even still almost fell asleep during neurobiology lecture! So I think I'm still quite sad... I laugh and sleep my sadness away... My dad sleeps also if he's sad. I believe I got the same thing. But oh my god how stupid people can be! We had our neurobiology discussion today and there was this one question about photoreceptors and something about yellow receptor... And people were so confused... I was like "RGB system people, RGB system!" And I think (and want to believe) that I eventually did well enough on my neurobiology exam, I got B! Though I didn't get good points, but the average was 66/100 and to get A you had to have 74/100... So it was pretty hard exam!

It's getting cold in here. And people dress up so weirdly! There are people with shorts, flipflops and t-shirts (though not all these combined together) and then there are people with winter jackets! So funny...

And sorry, no new pics...

And oh, I just realized, I'm half way done! I've been here 2 months and 6 days and I still have 2 months and 5 days! Or lets say this way, 2 months and 5 days until I see my darling! But that sounds too long, I prefer thinking in weeks because they go by faster than months :> But at the same time I don't want to leave all these wonderful people... And that makes me confused!

No So Good Monday

I heard this morning that my godmother had died...

What's wrong with this year?? Why is everyone dying around me???