Family Planning :>

I had really fun weekend. We left to Des Moines and Aimes. We stayed at Melissas friends house which was really nice! On Saturday we went tailgating and it was great! Melissa and Matt left to get a spot for us early in the morning and we (Paola, Kaisa, Ashley and I) followed later. Unfortunately Ashley had to go to work but we grilled and drank some booze. And it was fun, everybody were interested about us European girls. We even got some free alcohol :> But the minus side was that there was cold but sunny, so we burned our faces. And today we went to Des Moines and went to the mall too, I found only one shoes.

Studies take so much time. I read one article but then I lost my energy and couldn't do more... I tried to find some articles for the behavior proposal but I don't have the mood to read them. I'll do that tomorrow... I also have my first exam next Wednesday! And I need to do some "homework" for neurobiology for Tuesday... Argh! So I basically need to live at the library next week.

But now I can write some deep thoughts. Oh but first one thing that has been bothering me the whole weekend. On Thursday-Friday night I woke up when Ashleigh asked I was ok, I just mumbled and fell asleep right away. She left to NYC so I couldn't ask what she meant. But Dezerae also asked me on Friday what was I screaming at night. But I can't remember that I even made any noise! And usually if I have really strong dreams, I remember them. I need to ask Ashleigh was I really screaming. But that's really scary... But I remember having That Kind of Dreams again :> Though I think (and believe) that the scream was not because of those dreams :D

But anyway, back to my deep thoughts. So we were at Ashley's and Matt's place during the weekend. They got married last summer and had really beautiful pictures from their wedding and engagement (I'm jealous, I want that kind of pics of me and Tarmo too!). I want to get married too! They are also planning for a baby but obviously getting a child in here is much more complicated compared to Finland. You really need to have insurance (as in Finland too) but insurances in here are really expensive. And that's because health care in here is expensive. But the funny thing for me is that it is such a big deal in here. It's not that it wouldn't be a big deal in Finland too to have a kid but somehow I got the impression that it is much easier. I can't explain what I mean. And I lost my thought... But the thing I wanted to write about is family and home. Their home was so beautiful, they had the perfect kitchen table and chairs (made of dark red tree) and their sofas (and recliner!) were just awesome (but wrong colored for my taste)! I want such a furnitures too! I want a big house and beautiful things around me. And a car. Though I need to have my drivers license first... Oh I want so many things! I want to graduate and get a job (ie money)! Luckily I'm supposed to graduate next Spring and these thoughts drive me towards that goal, which is good. If I could get the PhD place from our university and get paid (it's more anyway than I get now) and if Tarmo could graduate and get a job too, and if we live still at the student apartment (we have no reason to move out because I like our home ;), we could save some money to get our home look like a real home (now we have so many ugly furniture because we can't afford to buy any other and we got them for free) and then I could get my drivers license and we could get a car and and and... I love dreaming about these things :)
But the family (serious) part of my thoughts. Being away from Tarmo makes me love him more and more. I feel such a strong bonding with him and being separated and not able to talk every day makes me want to spend the rest of my life with him more than ever. I know I'm young and to be engaged in this age is unsure for many people. But I've always felt being older (though then again I'm not over 18...) and I've never felt like this. I've always planned for my future home and family (damn these mom genes!) but now it feels different. My dreams feel like they could come true someday. And listening other people to get married and planning to get babies gets my baby boom blooming again! But no worries, I'm rationale and won't get a baby only because I want to do so :D I need a guaranteed source of money and a place where to go after maternity "vacation". I need a life situation where I can get a baby. And I am not in that kind of situation yet. I need also my man to want a baby (hint hint Tarmo, muaha! ;) Now I'm being mean. But I actually said this weekend that I need to call little people as brats to keep my baby boom away :D
But now that I've been in the Land of Promises, I know that I do not want to raise my family in here. Or to be more precise, I do not want to spend my whole life in here. I still do want to come back here to do some research. I'd like to emerge my family to this culture too. The optimal situation would be to come here with my family (though I will not come back if my family ie Tarmo is not coming, I will not go through separation again) and spend some years in here but get back to get my kids educated in Finland. I can't come back for two years (to live) in here after I go back home. So that means that if and when I graduate next Spring and I really get the PhD place (ie source of money), I have still year and a half time to plan my come back. It's not that I had to be here exactly in two years but being perfectionist means that I always need to plan everything. (And as I said, I love dreaming.) And that also means living in a "cheap" apartment which means that we are able to save some money. Which means that we can get the car etc. Though we need to get the car anyway because after we graduate, we don't get any student discounts anymore which means that we can't travel to see our parents.

(Sometimes I wonder if I should make another blog for my brainstorming because this has nothing to do with my exchange :D)

But now I'm tired writing all these things. There is so many aspects in my dreams and I really can't write them all in here. And I don't even want to write. I need to have some secrets too you know! No, what I really would like to do is to discuss these things with my love. And somehow that feels strange. But that's only a cultural thing. In Finland women (though this thing is not true anymore in my generation which is good!) can't speak about these things with their man. That's because men in Finland are grumpy and they do not want to discuss about anything (they just want to drink alcohol :P). Luckily I have a man who is not like that. I don't know if he wants to talk about family planning with me :D But I'd like to chat about there things with him. But not only speak, I need to see him while talking about this serious things. And now it is not time to discuss these things, at least seriously. I need to remind you (and myself) that I'm only brainstorming. And this makes me miss him again badly. But that has something to do with the fact that I haven't talked with him for three days now :P

I'm so lucky I have a family back home. I don't feel alone going back. Because when I was single and went back home from my parents home, I always felt alone. I do have friends but it's not the same thing. I'm definitely a family person. Though I'm also career centered... But let's not go there now.

Now I'll stop this. :) Enough future planning! PS. I'm going to post some furniture pics to somewhere else to keep myself motivated to graduate ;)

100 Days

100 days until I see Tarmo! I booked my flights to Tennessee on 21st December (my last exam will be on Friday from 12-2 pm and my flight leaves from Cedar Rapids at 6 pm, so I need a ride there *hinthint*)!!! I'm so excited! I'm one step closer to my love because he will be there an hour before me!!! Can I go already, can I, can I?? *poffail poffail*

But I'm so tired, I had a long day so I'll just go and lay down...

One Month

One month. I've been here for a month.

Time has gone quick by. If it keeps going this fast, I'll see Tarmo in no time ^^ And my life in here will be soon over :( I really enjoy being here. I love this place. I haven't regretted coming here. I do miss my family and friends (see, I included all ;) but this is worth it. This is my dream come true. I've always wanted to go studying abroad. And here I am!

But one thing annoys me A LOT. I keep messing he and she. I never EVER did that in Finland. And I hear my mistake when I blurt it out. Maybe I've relaxed with my speaking. I need to pull myself together.

I had a nice weekend after Friday, on Saturday I just enjoyed the peace in here. On Sunday I wondered where my roommate was because she didn't come back home at night. But I thought she just went to sleep somewhere else. Which was true. When she finally came home she told me that she had been the night in jail!!! I was so shocked! It is illegal to be drunk in public place and because of the football weekend police was quite horrible and arrested Ashleigh on her way to the game! I definitely wont drink anything on football weekends! Or be drunk during the game... And she told that the police woman was horrible to her... I's so scared, an angry police is my nightmare! :D But no really, I'm going to be more careful where I'm moving when I'm drunk...

And another school week is on. And I got a flu and feel quite miserable :( I just try to drink tea and sleep. And I thought that I had an exam this week but the exams were rescheduled and I don't have one this week! Which is good because I really can't read that efficiently now...

What else... One month. I can't believe it. One month! It's quite funny, I hope that the time keeps going fast so that I can see my love soon and then again I hope it would just slow a bit so that I could enjoy this place more ^^

Fun Night

I had such a good night :) I had so much fun! We (Kaisa and I) first went to Airliner and actually without knowing it, we went to someones birthdayparty! And it was only 7 pm and people there were already so drunk! The party ended and we went downstairs and thought that the place wasn't so good because it was some foodplace (the bar is upstairs but they had to close it for some other party). So we went to Deadwood to wait others. After everyone had arrived we had some drinks and headed to some other bar again (I actually don't know what bar it was, Margarita or something? no, it was One Eyed Jack ot something like that). On our way there Nathaniel told that the man who played violin at the street sings in finnish too. So we went to talk to him and he actually sang Leirinuotiolla! He had lived in Turku for two
years and his girlfriends name was actually Taina! And he said this before I told my name! It was so funny :)
We didn't stay long in the third bar because we got an invitation to someones house party! There we bought a cup ($5) and drank some really sweet booze. There was two guys who were so high and it was so funny when Josh told them that
I'm married and they were like wow, do you have kids too?? :D We spent most of the time at
the backyard. And then half of the people there left the party quickly because there was police
near (obviously they were under 21). Finally we went home too, Judith gave us a ride.

And then I had to make myself to stay in bed after 8 am, I was wide awake before eight!

And I was actually supposed to say this last time but I forgot: I do miss my parents and friends too but I can't mention everything every time, I just write about some things, not EVERYTHING :P

So second week of studies is over. And I have my first exam next week so I really have to study... And I ordered am mp3 player and it should arrive within few days!

There was something I was supposed to say but I forgot what it was :P

Missing Him

Ok. My network still sucks but I e-mailed to them again. Lets see what they say this time.

There are some things I want to tell you. Guys in here don't really have manners. They keep their caps on inside, even during lectures! Though one guy amazed me at the bus, he gave me his seat but I really think it was because he couldn't see his buddy. And about my professors, my endocrinology professor is just hilarious. I think I mentioned him earlier. Oh shoot and I'm so sick are his most used words during the lectures :D Though I'm a bit worried of him, he limps and seems really tired. And he actually was in hospital last weekend... And even still he keeps joking all the time. And my Animal Behavior professor says "emm" at least 15 times in 5 minutes (I counted). And that continues the whole lecture. And the news papers. They are so weird shaped! They're long and narrow and so hard to read unless you read them on table! And buses don't run in time starting from the evenings (I don't know about the morning and daytime buses because there are so many anyway so it doesn't really matter if they run late).

I went to play frisbee with Danny, Tymon, Meike and Paola (after Paola and I took a nap on the lawn) and now I can barely walk! My legs and bottom are so sore! What a good exercise! :D But then it started to rain and we went to eat to Chinese restaurant and after that we went to Java Juice to meet other international students and our global buddies. I was home at 10 pm but although I was tired, I was too hyper to go to sleep so I was awake until midnight and now I'm really tired. And Josh has been trying to reach me, every time he called me, I missed his call. I was in class or deaf. And I didn't even realize that it was he who had tried to call me! And then he tried to come and see me at home but I wasn't home :(

And about my phone. I got this AT&T prepaid thing where messages and calls cost 25c, both sending them and receiving (both of) them. So it's quite expensive but I thought that I wouldn't do so many calls nor that someone would call me. But I really don't want to buy any plans either because they're quite expensive and I can't have any other type than prepaid because I don't have the social security number. And it's so stupid that I really don't have service in Mayflower, so people can't call/send messages me and vice versa when I'm home. Sometimes when I put the phone on my pillow, there comes one block but that's all. So that's why I'm better reached via internet, and I'm actually all the time in internet when I'm home, so take this hint ;)

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I don't know why but I just do :) I want to go to some bar!

And I miss Tarmo. I really do. Badly. I dreamed of him last night and the night before that (and other one of them actually was That Kind of Dream ;) There are so many things I'd like him to see. There are so many people I'd like to introduce to him. There are so many things I'd like to tell him. And we do talk almost every day (at least we try to get a change to talk every day) and I do tell him everything but then again I can't remember everything I was supposed to tell him. And then I forget those things. I'd like him to hang around with me. I'd like to sleep with him. I'd just like to cuddle... That's the biggest thing I miss.
I really love being in here. I love Iowa City. So I really don't miss home (though I miss our bed), I just miss him. And of course I miss our kitties. I miss their purring and playing. I miss the thing that I just sit and I can feel someone passing me by and just touching my legs slightly. I miss the touch. The magic touch Tarmo has. The slight loving touch our kitties have too (if you are laying in the bed they just come sleeping against your back. I will alway remember the first night we had them, other one was sleeping in my armpit and other one was sleeping almost on my head and I could feel them breathing and my arms just went numb because they were so cute that I didn't dare to move). And that touch I can't have in here. I don't even want to have, I want that touch just from Tarmo. I do give hugs, I always give hugs. For both men and women. But it's not the same thing. I am touching person. I always touch people when I talk to them, especially when I'm exited and tell some hilarious things :D And even though I love hugging people, I can't receive long hugs, they're too loving and get me in tears. And I don't want to hug ALL the people in the world. I give hugs only to people I care. And I don't want strangers to hug me. That's just harassment.

Oh I really can see from this text that it's getting late and I'm getting tired. I always get so sentimental this time of the day. And I just miss Tarmo. And I like writing about it because it makes me feel better. And I prefer writing over talking because writing doesn't get me into tears as easily and I actually express myself better in this way. At least in English :) And I don't really feel so confident of my speaking. I know I can speak but it's just so much easier to write. My vocabulary is so much better when I write because I tend to use easy words because I'm too afraid to say the hard words wrong. Yes, I'm perfectionist. A tired one, so I'll go to bed now. Good night!

ps. We had a fire alarming today at Mayflower... We had to stop studying and go outside and couldn't continue studying because we were shocked, right Kaisa? ;)

Batman

There are no ghosts in here, at least ones who use my computer...

I had a nice weekend, on Sunday I went outside to read but it got too hot soon so I returned inside, read a bit more and then Meike called me if I'd like to go to the park. So I went and while Paola and Melissa were at the church we just hang around and when it got dark and the mosquitos almost ate us alive, we played batman. (Don't ask any questions about that.) After that we got an invitation by Melissa to have some dinner and Paola and I went to her place. There was also two other friends of Melissa and we had nice time. I advertised Finland ^^ And I was back home (again) at 2 am. But it was so much fun!

And by the way, three people have asked directions from me, local people! :D

We had a free day today so I read and read and just watched TV at Kaisas. And now I'm SO tired, I had to come home because I almost fell asleep at Kaisas. I still try to hang in here for another hour and then I go to bed.

I had so many things I was supposed to write but because I'm so tired, I can't remember what they were... I just try to keep awake...

Ghosts

My network was working the very next day though it was very slow... :P I assume that they noticed that it was their mistake. And Paola and Meike cheered me up when I came that day back home.

Ashleigh: "Paola called again, she sounded like you really should call her back."
Me: "Omg what have happened??"
*calls Paola and Meike
Paola: "Taina! I need a Hello Kitty band aid!" *sobs*
Taina: "What has happened???"
Paola: *sobs* "I lost a button from my skirt..."
...

It was so hilarious! Because it was the same button we already sew few weeks ago. Ashleigh came to see if I was crying or laughing because I laughed so much :D And the next day I was supposed to try to connect this wreck to the wireless but then I noticed that it was working again.

And I had to drop the Graduate Immunology course, it was way beyond me... After the first 15 minutes of the second session I thought that ok, this is it. I can't do this. I couldn't understand a bit what they were talking about and yet still I was forced to talk with them. So now I have Animal Behavior instead. :) And I really didn't expect this to be this hard. I mean I'm only positively surprised, the education in here is really good and the professors are great! (I love my endocrinology professor, he's hilarious, in the end of one session he said "Oh, I'm so sick" :D and that describes it all!) And I really need to read all the time for the courses. But it's good, it keeps me busy. Someone said that the University of Iowa is one of the top universities in US. And it really feels like that.

Last Friday I was in a such a good mood, I talked with my parents (and aunt because she's in Finland because of funeral of their mothers brother, I said all our relatives are dying! :( ) and with Tarmo! And I cried a bit when I heard Tarmos voice because it had been a while when I had heard it last time. But I just was so happy :) And I also saw him via webcam! On Friday we went to Q bar and there was this amazing band; Minus Six! I didn't drink that much that night (3 margaritas, $3 a piece) because I was in front of the stage most of the night :) And after the night we got ride home. Yesterday we went to the Coral Ridge Mall and I bought some things from Victoria's Secret again ;) And I was supposed to buy some nice skirt but I couldn't find one... all there was was mini skirts and mini shorts... So I bought a jacket for Fall and it was only $60 and similar one at other shop was $200! After shopping we went to see Nanny Diaries in to the cinema and it was nice. we bought this huge bucket of popcorns and couldn't even finish it (there were four of us eating it!). When we came back there was this big family of black people (and even though I tell this story, I'm not a racist :) and it was so funny because all the older kids were messing around while the little ones were sitting nicely. In Finland it's the other way around :D And there was this cute little girl who sat next to Paola and chatted with her. She reminded me so much of my nieces sister Laura (she's also black) :) Oh yeah, and when I was heading to the Mall there was this elder black man who came to me when I was going to the bus and said Oh you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I would like to get to know you, I live in Coralville, maybe you could come and visit me ans we could chat... And he smelled a bit of alcohol and it was kind of awkward. Luckily I could get away from him when the bus came. And weird enough, Ashleigh told this same story when she came to the Mall! :D

After the movies we came back home and Kaisa helped me with my computer and we formated it. And it's so much faster now :) Though we had to wait a bit and while waiting we watched Tyttö sinä olet tähti and The Butterfly effect. I liked both of them but I was really impressed about the latter one. It was so good, distressing but still very good. So I came home at 2 am and went straight to bed. I just left my laptop on the table (sideways) and didn't do anything more with it. And here are ghosts! Because when I woke up an hour ago, my laptop was on it's right place (and I did put it SIDEWAYS) and it's lid was open (I left it closed) and the network cable was connected... And our doors were locked... Ashleigh was awake for a while in the morning, I have to ask her if she did something... But this is a bit scary :F

Today we're going to go outside read because it should be a good weather :)

And it seems that I still can't upload any pics... And I tried to find some video of Minus Six but couldn't find a decent one...