Family Planning :>

I had really fun weekend. We left to Des Moines and Aimes. We stayed at Melissas friends house which was really nice! On Saturday we went tailgating and it was great! Melissa and Matt left to get a spot for us early in the morning and we (Paola, Kaisa, Ashley and I) followed later. Unfortunately Ashley had to go to work but we grilled and drank some booze. And it was fun, everybody were interested about us European girls. We even got some free alcohol :> But the minus side was that there was cold but sunny, so we burned our faces. And today we went to Des Moines and went to the mall too, I found only one shoes.

Studies take so much time. I read one article but then I lost my energy and couldn't do more... I tried to find some articles for the behavior proposal but I don't have the mood to read them. I'll do that tomorrow... I also have my first exam next Wednesday! And I need to do some "homework" for neurobiology for Tuesday... Argh! So I basically need to live at the library next week.

But now I can write some deep thoughts. Oh but first one thing that has been bothering me the whole weekend. On Thursday-Friday night I woke up when Ashleigh asked I was ok, I just mumbled and fell asleep right away. She left to NYC so I couldn't ask what she meant. But Dezerae also asked me on Friday what was I screaming at night. But I can't remember that I even made any noise! And usually if I have really strong dreams, I remember them. I need to ask Ashleigh was I really screaming. But that's really scary... But I remember having That Kind of Dreams again :> Though I think (and believe) that the scream was not because of those dreams :D

But anyway, back to my deep thoughts. So we were at Ashley's and Matt's place during the weekend. They got married last summer and had really beautiful pictures from their wedding and engagement (I'm jealous, I want that kind of pics of me and Tarmo too!). I want to get married too! They are also planning for a baby but obviously getting a child in here is much more complicated compared to Finland. You really need to have insurance (as in Finland too) but insurances in here are really expensive. And that's because health care in here is expensive. But the funny thing for me is that it is such a big deal in here. It's not that it wouldn't be a big deal in Finland too to have a kid but somehow I got the impression that it is much easier. I can't explain what I mean. And I lost my thought... But the thing I wanted to write about is family and home. Their home was so beautiful, they had the perfect kitchen table and chairs (made of dark red tree) and their sofas (and recliner!) were just awesome (but wrong colored for my taste)! I want such a furnitures too! I want a big house and beautiful things around me. And a car. Though I need to have my drivers license first... Oh I want so many things! I want to graduate and get a job (ie money)! Luckily I'm supposed to graduate next Spring and these thoughts drive me towards that goal, which is good. If I could get the PhD place from our university and get paid (it's more anyway than I get now) and if Tarmo could graduate and get a job too, and if we live still at the student apartment (we have no reason to move out because I like our home ;), we could save some money to get our home look like a real home (now we have so many ugly furniture because we can't afford to buy any other and we got them for free) and then I could get my drivers license and we could get a car and and and... I love dreaming about these things :)
But the family (serious) part of my thoughts. Being away from Tarmo makes me love him more and more. I feel such a strong bonding with him and being separated and not able to talk every day makes me want to spend the rest of my life with him more than ever. I know I'm young and to be engaged in this age is unsure for many people. But I've always felt being older (though then again I'm not over 18...) and I've never felt like this. I've always planned for my future home and family (damn these mom genes!) but now it feels different. My dreams feel like they could come true someday. And listening other people to get married and planning to get babies gets my baby boom blooming again! But no worries, I'm rationale and won't get a baby only because I want to do so :D I need a guaranteed source of money and a place where to go after maternity "vacation". I need a life situation where I can get a baby. And I am not in that kind of situation yet. I need also my man to want a baby (hint hint Tarmo, muaha! ;) Now I'm being mean. But I actually said this weekend that I need to call little people as brats to keep my baby boom away :D
But now that I've been in the Land of Promises, I know that I do not want to raise my family in here. Or to be more precise, I do not want to spend my whole life in here. I still do want to come back here to do some research. I'd like to emerge my family to this culture too. The optimal situation would be to come here with my family (though I will not come back if my family ie Tarmo is not coming, I will not go through separation again) and spend some years in here but get back to get my kids educated in Finland. I can't come back for two years (to live) in here after I go back home. So that means that if and when I graduate next Spring and I really get the PhD place (ie source of money), I have still year and a half time to plan my come back. It's not that I had to be here exactly in two years but being perfectionist means that I always need to plan everything. (And as I said, I love dreaming.) And that also means living in a "cheap" apartment which means that we are able to save some money. Which means that we can get the car etc. Though we need to get the car anyway because after we graduate, we don't get any student discounts anymore which means that we can't travel to see our parents.

(Sometimes I wonder if I should make another blog for my brainstorming because this has nothing to do with my exchange :D)

But now I'm tired writing all these things. There is so many aspects in my dreams and I really can't write them all in here. And I don't even want to write. I need to have some secrets too you know! No, what I really would like to do is to discuss these things with my love. And somehow that feels strange. But that's only a cultural thing. In Finland women (though this thing is not true anymore in my generation which is good!) can't speak about these things with their man. That's because men in Finland are grumpy and they do not want to discuss about anything (they just want to drink alcohol :P). Luckily I have a man who is not like that. I don't know if he wants to talk about family planning with me :D But I'd like to chat about there things with him. But not only speak, I need to see him while talking about this serious things. And now it is not time to discuss these things, at least seriously. I need to remind you (and myself) that I'm only brainstorming. And this makes me miss him again badly. But that has something to do with the fact that I haven't talked with him for three days now :P

I'm so lucky I have a family back home. I don't feel alone going back. Because when I was single and went back home from my parents home, I always felt alone. I do have friends but it's not the same thing. I'm definitely a family person. Though I'm also career centered... But let's not go there now.

Now I'll stop this. :) Enough future planning! PS. I'm going to post some furniture pics to somewhere else to keep myself motivated to graduate ;)