Finals

Finals week. This required much more work than I expected. Haven't had time to be home, haven't had time to see friends :( And tomorrow I'm leaving. And Tarmo is on his way here, I believe I don't even need to say how excited I am :)
Exams... Three down, still one to go. They've been OK, tomorrows exam is going to be horrible. Two hours and 200 points. 100 points from the first two thirds, another 100 points from this thirds. So far we've had one hour and that's been just and just enough (or not), this time it's the 2 hours but there's no extensions to that :F And I've already used my learning capacity for this year, I simply can't stick any new info in my brain! But I'll pass. That's my goal.

So, after I see Paola, Meike and Kaisa, I need to go home and finalize my packing. I also need to burn my pictures and that's going to take whole night as I fought with my computer last night when I burned pictures for Paola.
1) My computer seems to have mental problems with opening the dvd thing (lost the word)
2) My computer seemed to be too tired to burn anything as it just shut off this morning twice (it just stopped working, even the clock stopped) when I was burning some pics for Melissa
3) It takes AGES to burn all my pics, even without all this problems above...
So, this night is going to be long, as I'm going to be home only around 7 pm. I also need to do some laundry, but I might leave that to tomorrow morning as I want pack only clean clothes. And I need to get rid of my furnitures. And all my closets need to be empty by tomorrow morning 8 am as Dez needs to check in and in order to do that I need to check out and I need to do that early so that I can still go through my notes before the exam. After the exam I'll go to have lunch and after that I'll be leaving! No need to say that I'm superbusy!!

But now back to neurobiology, still one hour time to go through... My brains will explode!

Don't Mourn What Is Gone, Greet the Dawn

So, The Time is here. I need to leave.

I've been so excited the whole week but now that it really is time to leave, I don't want to leave. My life is so strongly in Finland and I want to go back. But at the same time this has started almost to feel like home. I love Iowa City and I love all the people I met. I'm going to miss so many of you, luckily we don't live in isolated worlds, all the wonders in internet (like Facebook ;) are our savior.

I don't like goodbyes. That's why I don't say goodbye.



Thank you all, thanks for making my time in Iowa and elsewhere in US amazing.

*hugs*

ps. This is the best video I found from youtube, the video itself isn't what I wanted to show, listen the song :)

Under 100 Hours!

Oh, I'm so close!

Last lectures are over, all that is left is The Exams. This week was full of studying as usual, and the weekend was amazing. On Friday night we had a Farewell party for the international students and we baked some pie with Kaisa. It wasn't as good as it should've been but it was ok. After all the eating and gift things me and Kaisa decided to go and have one ciders at a Irish pub and they had ONE type of cider in there :D But we were happy, even I though it was apple cider :P After that we came back home and just hang out with some international students. On Saturday I finished my readings and packed my big suitcase! It's quite heavy and full, though I still should be able to fit my blanket in it. And all the rest of my stuff needs to go in smaller bag, I don't know yet how, but that needs to happen. In the evening we went to Cory's place (got invited by Nathaniel :>) and it was so much fun! We stayed there until 4 am and came home, but this time we went straight so sleep ;) I wasn't even that drunk so I feel just fine now :)

Sorry, still no pics as this connection is as usual slow and shit.

Oh yeah, and Ash straightened my hair! It's never been like this, sleek and smooth! I like it but I'm too lazy to do this my self :P

I have one review session this evening and I'm going to go through the notes before that with Kaisa. Luckily I don't have exams tomorrow but I need to go through some notes and call Miki. Next week I also need to go to the bank and do all that leaving stuff... Going to be busy, busy!

I've just been talking with Tarmo the whole day, he went to his parents yesterday. He'll be here in five days!!! Miss him so much...

I still need to try to concentrate on my exams... I'm not happy about the fact that the hardest and most important exam (Neurobiology) is on Friday, so I can't afford to let my mind slip...

Fun Four Months

Oh last weekend was amazing! I did nothing related to studies ^^ And on Saturday night we had Judith's goodbye party and it was so much fun! First we went to Buffalo Wild Wings to eat and after that we went to Joe's place, Sports Column and Summit. In Sports Column there was some wrestling going on on tv so it wasn't that nice place, especially when they run out of smirnoff ice!!! And Kaisa and I just drank total of three of them!!! And while we were on our way to Summit we found some more people to join us! After the bar closed we went to Andrew's place, but before that we went to liquor store to get some more booze. After that we went to Cory's place and finally got back home. But oh no, the party wasn't over, me and Kaisa came to my place to amuse Tarmo :>
We finally went to sleep around 7 am :D The next day I didn't have as bad hang over as I thought I'd have but I really couldn't move much.
Meike came to do some analysis here but otherwise I was just laying in bed and surfed in internet.

And I've been here now over four months! Amazing! I can already say that I'll see my love next week!!! So excited!!!

We didn't have classes today as there was supposed to be an ice storm. But I got that e-mail only at 2:30 pm so it was already a bit too late for me but I went to library to do my lab report. And in the morning there was several power cuts so I read the rest of the Developmental biology... But I really don't get it, it's not even that bad now! It's only raining water! It's not even slippery as there isn't minus degrees outside! And it really pisses me as today I'd had the most interesting lectures ever :/ And it really isn't bad! I know it'll be slippery in the evening as the temperature drops...
And the funny thing is that here they don't use stud tires! Only chains :D And Cory laughed at me when I said that I even use stud tires on my bike during winter! :D And I laughed at the chains... But I don't get it, here it really is winter, why don't they use studs??? And then they use salt! LOTS of it. It's really annoying because your pants have white stripes on them and then the salt comes in and argh! Use sand! No wonder you can't even touch the Iowa River water because all the salt goes in there :F It's really bad for the environment!

We also had a fire alarm, again, last night. I was already in bed but luckily wasn't sleeping yet. Dezerae said that there's been more fire alarms during this semester than ever in a whole year! I don't get it, what's wrong with this years people?!

What else... I'm really looking forward to next week and the day I see my babe again! Missing him so much!

I also remember how I said two months ago that "Oh, two months has gone by, I guess it's going to slow down now..." But no, time really went by fast :) And I'm really happy that I came here, I've learned a lot. I've had great courses (though I still hate the exams...) and I believe this did good for my English as well :> Though I know I make more mistakes now as I don't pay attention as much anymore to what I'm saying. But I'm more confident and not as afraid to speak anymore. I've also learned to appreciate more for what I have and how thing are in Finland. And as I have said before, this was not easy but it was worth it.

But it's not the right time yet to say these goodbye things. I'm just starting to realize that it really is over soon... But I have a whole life waiting in Finland and I really need and I want to go back. I'm happy to go back :)

Pipettes in My Heart

So, one more week of lectures ahead!
On Thursday I had my last lab and oh my god but it really hurt in my heart! Not the thing that it was the last lab but the thing what we did. We got our fruit flies drunk and to do that we needed to measure 10 ml with a pipette that was 1000 µl. I got the pipette in my hand and was wondering what size pipette it is as I couldn't see any labels and wondered would it be 500 µl or 1000 µl as it looked big but not as big as our 1000 ml Finnpipette. The group was wondering how I can know such a thing and aone guy said that it says 1000 in the top of the pipette and so I said that then it's ten times this. He watched me and was like wtf, ten times thousand is ten thousand... how can that be 10 ml... He almost didn't believe when I said that believe me, its ten times 1000 µl :D Then they concluded that they'll look the scale on nunc-tubes and measure it with it :D Oh my god!!! And oh my, this wasn't yet the thing that hurt me, it was the way they used the pipettes! They had ethanol in the pipette and they held the pipette horizontally!!!! OH!
Just needed to share that. But let's keep in mind that they weren't pipette biologists but behavioral biologists but it still hurt my heart :D

Tonight I'll go ice skating! And tomorrow is Judith's farewell party.

Oh yeah, and I got first answer regarding my future and I'm happy happy! ^^

My Dear Finland

Blah. 16 freaking days!
My mind has been in Finland the last two days. I've been planning my spring and next Fall... If I'm hard working, I should graduate during/after summer! Cool! I'm also planning to go to elsewhere to do my Ph.D. though I'm going to stay in Finland... but nothing more on that, that's going to be the spring issue I have to deal with...

I'm waiting so much for the next two and a half week to go by! Then I'm going to see my babe!!! Missing him so much! Now I've gotten myself in a point where I'm just waiting to go back home... Or to be more specific, waiting to see my love. Waiting, waiting and waiting.
Finals are coming soon, I've lost my motivation to read properly but my goal is to pass all the courses, I'm going to take only passed for them, not any grades as they'd lower my average. But even though my motivation is low, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't read. I still need to study to keep my mind happy ^^ I can't just do nothing, I'd feel bad about myself.

I'll go and "celebrate" one of my friends leaving on Saturday. So I get some social life again! Last weekend I just enjoyed my peace and tried to sleep and relax :) Then it's only one more week of studies, then it's over. Well, then it's finals and then it's really over!
I already packed stuff away that I don't need and tried to estimate how much space do I have and that if I need to panic how I get all my stuff back in Finland :D It seems to be ok. Though I still need to think what to do with my blanket, I paid a lot for it, too much just to give it away so I need to see if I could take it with me if no-one is going to buy it... Luckily I've been reasonable and haven't bought A LOT stuff. And I'm going to send some christmas presents to my parents so that the could at least think that I'm with them.

Ashleigh came from NYC and told it's really beautiful. I'm looking forward going there with Tarmo! Oh I just said to Kaisa today that I love him so much, I love that he just brainstorms with me (about the future) and stuff... The nearer I get to The Day, the more enthusiast I get! Oh please let this three weeks go by fast!!!

By the way, it snowed. Or actually it rained ice during the weekend and the ground is still white (and slippery). And I'm starting to be too goofy, I forgot my keys to the store downstairs last night :F

MAD!!!

OK, I'm SO MAD!!!
Some smart ass pulled last night the sprinklers FOR FUN and destroyed peoples stuff as the water kept pouring down. People had to move out, their laptops, printers, notes, clothes, EVERYTHING are ruined, it's only two weeks for finals, everybody is busy with their projects, essays, readings and all their notes are destroyed! Phones, TVs... ARGH!!!
It makes me so mad! And I heard people were moving back today, but I don't get it! How on earth is there dry enough?? It will take weeks to all the places dry, and I'm just waiting for the mold to get crazy... I already sneeze all the time in here, can't imagine what it is going to be...

I'M MAD!!!

Breakthrough

Oh I forgot to mention on important thing that happened in New York: In the middle of Manhattan I hear the words "hissun kissun", which basically is itsy bitsy version for walking slowly in Finnish! There was this elder couple and I was so astonished to hear Finnish in a place where you possibly can't hear anything anyway! :D

I also got C from the (again) impossible Neurobiology exam (46% God I just love stupid people again!!) and I'm happy, it should've been D at most... Also had my last midterm yesterday ^^ So now it's just two weeks plus final exams!!! And I thought that if I would work hard this and next week, I can have the last weekend off ^^

I had something else in my mind too that I had to mention...

Oh, you must've heard the new breakthrough in the field of stem cells??!! SO COOL! Though it still isn't efficient method enough to abandon embryonic stem cells, it's certainly a way towards that! Which means that some religious people can stop whining :> I don't need to be cruel, just wanted to say something... stupid. And it was so cool to have a real conversation about this yesterday at the Global Buddy meeting and I noticed that hey, I really know something as Cory asked some quite hard questions :) Few years in University not in vain! Yey! Though I still need to rehearse some words as I get excited, I forget how to pronounce some words... Not that I do that only in English, I can't speak in Finnish either :D

Ashleigh left to NYC for the weekend, so I got the "house" ^^ That means that if my neighbors mind to be quiet, I can read upstairs ^^ Oh but I really should read some Developmental Biology but I decided to find some old friends from Facebook and to polish my nails (haha) and then I needed to wait for the nailpolish to dry so I couldn't read :> Well, I could read but can't take notes... Anyway, there is no good reason not to read now, so I guess I need to do something...
Early morning tomorrow, I got a permission to go and listen one of Kaisas classes where they study cancer now :) And as my thesis has something to do with cancer and as it's not taught in our university (!!!) it can't do any harm to go there :)

ps. I miss Tarmo. A lot! Three more weeks!!!

Thanksgiving Trip

So, it was awesome!

On Saturday we woke up very early and I didn't sleep well since my throat was really sore. But so we went to Boston via Chicago, walked the Freedom Trail, visited Harvard campus area and walked through Newsbury Street which is "European shopping street". Our hostel was great. It was clean and we had total of six girls in our room. Also breakfast was included! We also could sleep well since the girls were quiet :) We also went to eat some sea food (Boston lobster) to a restaurant that was recommended for us. The food was good and we had some wine with it too. Though I now know that I'm not that big fan of sea food. It was ok but now that I've tasted it, I don't need to taste it again. Plus it was quite expensive :P

After Boston we headed to New York where our hostel was in Harlem. Though it was easy to get in there, metro was close. On the first night we went to see Broadway and it was overwhelming. Bright lights all over. We also went to see the city from heights (Empire State Building) at the night. It was beautiful. We came back to the hostel and we had this obnoxious woman in our room. She was in her 40ies and for some reason she had all her stuff all over and a dog at some of her friends place and it seemed that she just had gotten some new job and left there early making a lot of noises, swearing in the middle of the night to some girl who snored (snoring really bothers me but I woke to her shushing, not to the snoring). She was really annoying. We also had a mouse in there (it ate Paolas milkyway bar and chips) and ten girls in one room. It wasn't that nice place but it was cheap. The next morning we headed to see Wall Street (ate our breakfast at Dunkin Doughnuts where there was nice and friendly men who laughed at us) and the Statue of Liberty and all that stuff. Unfortunately it was raining and we got wet though it stopped raining after we got to Ellis Island. After that we went to see WTC (really not much to see) and what else? We went back to the hostel quite early to pack our stuff and go to shower... We slept a bit better the next night. In the morning we went to see Central Park (it was really beautiful!) but I got really cranky as I didn't get my morning coffee. So we went to get my coffee and ate lunch. After noon we headed to the airport to go to Washington.

Kaisas friend Ingrid picked us up and we drove to Charlottesville to her place. On our way we ate at IHOP (international house of pancakes, what was the international? Maybe the Swedish pancakes??). Next day we just rested (our feet were screaming some rest) though we went to see the university and helped a bit with the Thanksgiving dinner the girls made. We spent most of the day watching Gilmore Girls :) The dinner was at the next door apartment and it was really good. Kind of Christmas. We ate a lot! Finally after the dishes were done we got to bed. One day rest was really nice since my feet were really sore for some weird reason. I've walked great distances before and it's never been like this. And I had good shoes! But anyhow, on Friday morning we got Greyhound bus back to Washington DC.

calling there a weird looking man opened the door, he was talking in theAnd oh my god but the driver was annoying! He got lost!!! And we arrived over an hour late to Washington since he drove really s l o w l y on the town area. Annoying! We kept swearing to him in Finnish with Kaisa (I really will get in trouble after I get back in Finland as I really need to remember that people CAN understand what I'm saying :D). So we went to eat some lunch and headed to our hostels. Paola slept in different hostel as she booked her stuff later than we did so there was no space left. In the bus we seemed again to be the only white people... We found the hostel (it was someones house!) but the door was locked. We tried to open it but nothing happened. There was a sticker that said that we should call someone... Just when I was phone. For some reason he didn't have our reservation but we finally got a bed for us (it was king size so we shared it and it was cheaper than the original reservation!). He showed us the place and he was really nice and sweet (though still looked weird...). So we left our stuff there and headed back to downtown to see all the sightseeings. White House etc... We were already quite tired and mine and Kaisas feet were still not playing with us and they really hurt. So Paola saw a bit more than we did since we really couldn't walk anymore that much. We got something to eat and headed back to our hostels. The keeper was sitting on a sofa and said "Welcome Home" when we came in :) There we watched some tv and some South Korean guys tried to get us in the bar but we had to get up at 5 am the next morning so we said thanks but no thanks. Again we slept badly (it was really cold since someone left the window open!). So we got up and got a bus. The hostel keeper waited at the door watching us to depart safely. He was really sweet! Even though we were first a bit worried, he was really nice and the place was the comfiest place of all the places we stayed :) There was even a cat there and he was so cute! Made me miss our cats really much...

So we headed to Amtrak train and to airport and came back to Iowa City via Chicago. The week war really hectic though we got one day "off". But we saw a lot. And it was an awesome trip! So fun! And every evening we got hot chocolates from Starbucks so I don't know how I can now cope without it!!! Need to drink some tea...

Today after I came home I just unpacked my stuff, cooked some food and did laundry. I also talked with Tarmo (he had his birthday today!). And in a half an hour I'm going to Kaisas to see some movie.

It's so quiet in here! Everyone's somewhere else and it's nice. I plan to sleep late tomorrow. Though I need to read tomorrow... I have an exam on Wednesday... It's under month left! Cool! I really miss everyone. And I'm starting to be more than ready to leave back home.

Under one month... Time has gone by so fast. It's been awesome time though it hasn't been easy. But I'm happy I came here, I've learned a lot from myself and the world. But it's not time to talk this talk yet, that comes in a month :)

But I'll head downstairs to see the movie. Oh how nice it's to be back home again :)

I bet I forgot thousand things to mention but as the week was hectic I can't remember everything :D And if I wrote everything this would be a book... :P

Getting Ready

I'm leaving tomorrow for my Thanksgiving trip!!! Boston, New York and Washington, here I come!! I'm getting so excited!

And this week was ok, I got 20/20 from my cricket lab report and some quite young guy called me ma'am :D I also had fever of Wednesday, was in a wrong place drinking hot chocolate and bought some wine and cheese. We were supposed to be at T-spoons but we were at Java Juice but Kaisa and Suzanne was there and we wanted our smoothie so it was ok :) though I just wanted the hot chocolate as I felt awful... But when wouldn't chocolate make you feel better?? ;)

So I'm just doing my laundry, then I need to pack and read 10 pages of endocrinology to get that done so that I don't need to even imagine to be worried about anything study things in our trip :) The I'm going to Kaisas place to see Memoirs of Geisha in the evening and then I'm going to sleep and then I need to wake up at 5.30 am to get to shower and to call my parents and at 7 am we're leaving!!! Our flight leaves at 9 amish...

Just to inform you, I won't be available in a week, will be back on Saturday 24th... ^^

B-!

I got B- from the impossible Developmental exam!!!

65/100, I love stupid people as they make me look smart ;D

And funny story from last night:

It was really hot inside so we kept our window open for the night. At 2 am I woke up to this BOOOORRMMM (really low and loud noise)
"What the hell is that??"
"What? It's a motorbike"
"Oh God!"
"It's every night, you're just a sleep already the and can't hear it, what did you think it was??"
"I don't know, I was still asleep, it could've been anything!"
"Well don't worry, it's just a motorbike, not a space ship! It just makes me laugh 'cause you just laid there and didn't move at all."
"I was too afraid to move..."
*lauhgter*
... 10 min...
BEEP BEEP
*burst of laughter*
"Definitely the mothership..."
*car alarm*
"For God's sakes!!!"
...
"Someone's doing laundry at this time of the night??"
"Oh c'mon!"

:D I really didn't know what I thought it was and as I do have quite strong imagination and I was still half asleep when I woke up, it could be anything! And yes, I do have go-go-gadget ears (Ashleigh nominated that) but obviously they don't work when I'm sleeping :>

Three Months

I've been here for over three months now! So two thirds down! HA!
And as you probably can hear (read) I'm in a better mood :) I worked hard this weekend and got some work done and noticed that I got my spontanious nature back :) Last night I went to movies in a 2 minute warning time :D (Saw4, wasn't scary, only gross)...

But nothing new in here... Just studying all the time so that I don't need to give any thoughts to studies on vacation... I'll have an exam on Tuesday, report to write for Tuesday, article to analyze for tomorrow (well I did that already) and neurobiology questions to be done for Tuesday. Plus I need to read endocrinology for the week after Thanksgiving as I don't want to read it on Thanksgiving.
And we need to construct the gift basket for Melissa's Uncle and his wife too... So we're going to buy some wine and cheese...
And we planned our Thanksgiving trip today, was supposed to do that last night but I didn't know Paola was coming and I left to the movies... What else?
I don't know why I was so depressed last week... I just wanted to run away from every social event that was ahead of me. I just wanted to be under my blanket and not to get up at all... I missed Tarmo so badly.

But even though this is hard (not that I ever assumed this to be easy) I'm still happy that I left here. This has made me stronger and taught me to be independent. At the same time I know now more than ever that I love Tarmo and he's the one I want to be with. I've learned that I need him. For my sanity. I need him physically and mentally. With him I'm calm and whole. At least if I'm not calm he'll make me calm :D
It's amazing that you need to leave your familiar environment to see these things. I appreciate more than ever what I have and where I live. And that's good.

As I said to a friend of mine, this was probably the worst time I could've picked to leave. But this was my last and only chance. So I just need to deal with it and be happy for what I've learned.

Don't Know What to Think

Quite long time since I last wrote in here but I've been too busy... I have lot to write about and first comet the update of my life :)

So I was supposed to have Endocrinology exam week ago but as we waited it to start the lecture room filled with strange people and eventually there was no space for all. It turned out to be some other exam and our exam was canceled. It was supposed to be today but the lecturer decided to put half of it to next exam and half on final. Which is good because I had Neurobiology exam today... But the weekend first. On Friday I was home early and went to Kaisas place to see some movie (Mean Girls) and drank bottle of wine (was one glass only because the bottles are small... :P) with sparkling water. On Saturday I had really lazy day. I watched the game (again at Kaisas, and we won!), after that we watched Devil wears Prada (rented it on Friday but didn't watch it and it had to be returned by 5pm). After that it was too late to do anything (not that I really had any motivation to do anything...) so we just watched tv (Pirates of the Caribbean I). And talked with Tarmo <3 On Sunday I got some work done and ate pancakes which Kaisa made for us ^^ They were soooooo good! And of course on Sunday it's Desperate Housewinves day too :) I also heard that dad lost his job (though we knew to expect that, they had a new boss and they had to let people go, and he actually wanted to quit but it's not good to quit your job on your own or you don't get any money). So now he has no job but he still gets money. But he's too old to get any job anymore and he's been sick a lot so I hope that he retires... Or that he can retire. We'll see...

On Monday it was my birthday!!! So I'm 22 :> In the morning my parents called and I even got a card from Ashleigh! (A cat card and it was red! Am I really THAT obvious??? :D) I got a funny power point from friends from Finland and many congrats via Facebook. On my first lecture Meike gave me a smoothie and a Birthday Girl badge I had to wear the whole day :D It was fun and quite embarrassing, especially when I was alone :D At Burge a girl who swipes our ID said Happy Birthday and a group of exchange students started to sing but I quickly left :D After my lectures I came home, talked with Tarmo and Saana (haven't talked for so long time!!!). Meike and Paola invited me to their place in the evening and I had such a big surprise waiting for me! The second I stepped inside there was Seminaarimäen Mieslaulajat - Taina playing, there was a birthday cake on the table, red lights and Happy Birthday band hanging on the couch!!!! OH MY GOD! I was so touched that I had to cry! It still gets my eyes wet :) I can't say how touched I was... I did know to expect something but not anything like this... Oh... It was so nice! And I got beautiful earrings and a Hello Kitty towel :D And when I finally came back home I had a packet of Finnish chocolate and Salmiakki waiting for me from my parents :)

And on that night I had a dream where I was sleeping next to Tarmo and it felt so warm and nice, and Pollo walked there too <3

And something about the weather has to be mentioned too... it's been really windy and in the mornings (and nights) there is already minus degrees! Trees have lost most of their leaves but the grass is still green. Still feels like Finnish Spring.

Today I had my Neurobiology exam (no more night exams!!!) and the professor said that the exam is harder than the last exam was... I don't know how that's possible... There were couple of questions I didn't know but I answered to everything... I did all I could, it didn't go well but then again that doesn't tell anything. As I have said so many times, even though you get bad points, you can get a good grade... Last time I got like 66/100 and I got B... So stupid...

But now to serious things. I heard this morning some awful news from Finland. About the massacre in Jokela high school. Oh my god... I feel so bad... And the most shocking part of this is that it was in news even in here! I really don't know what to think! And I've been thinking about it the whole day! I don't know why it touches me this much. I didn't know any of them, it was far away from where I live but still I feel awful. Maybe it's because it was even in here in news and it was said in news too, that schools have always been considered as a safe place in Finland and I myself have always felt that when I'm in school, I'm safe. Lucky me that I'm not in school anymore, I don't know what I'd do... I'm afraid of mentally unstable people, have always been, but somehow I'm even more afraid now... I can't understand how no-one saw this coming??? Please do believe that when a young people say that they feel bad, they do feel bad and it's not just a puberty!!! (That's what it was considered when I was in high school...) We really need to take some serious actions... Oh I still can't believe this happened! I don't know what to think... I'm mad that he died and he don't need to face his action, he got away from this too easily! He killed young people who had their whole life ahead and a woman who possibly had children! This is so unfair! Then again it's good that he died so that the government doesn't need to take care of him (which costs a lot money). And even though I don't believe in God, I want to believe that he won't get away from this this easily. There's got to be something waiting for him. Hell or something as bad. This is stupid, stupid, STUPID! I feel so sorry for all the parents and friends. As my worst fear is to lose my loved ones, I can only imagine what they feel like if I feel this bad :(

I don't know what to say about this anymore... I don't know what to think. I'm so glad no-one asked my opinion about this today. I might have bursted into tears...

Halloween

Ok, finally some time to write here again... First about my amazing weekend:
On Friday we went to carve some pumpkins and of course me and Meike decided to take the most difficult one, we need some challenge for the first pumpkin carved ever :D We had only 1,5 hours time and we run a bit out of time so we just had to do some short cuts... But it was beautiful! And quite well done for the first pumpkin ;) After that we went to Loris place to eat some pizza and pumpkin pie (it was warm and one piece was enough... I can't decide if it was good or bad...). And after that we headed to Frightmare Forest in Cedar Rapids! It was so fun, FUN! There was this forest where they had set up some "haunted house" though it was in a forest. And as it was night we went there, it was dark and there was this dimly light path we had to follow. Me and Kaisa squeezed each others hands so tight! (I love the fact that I can put my brains aside and be frightened about stupid things.) The first third part we went first (there could be up to 6 people in one group) and it was the scariest part! It was mostly outside and there were these actors that followed us and kept scary noises (they had masks on and looked like really scary monsters!) and the "haunted house" part there was these corners behind which the actors jumped and screamed. As did we too :D Then we didn't want to be the first ones anymore though it was scary anyway. Quite in the end there was this bump in the ground and behind it there was a person who crawled towards us when we passed the place and started to follow us! And oh my god how we ran! :D Too bad you couldn't take pictures in there... It was so fun!!! And the path was like over half an hour, usually they are something like 15 minutes... There were some really lame things too of course, but you have to have something for everyone. After that we went to a bar and had only one drink :)


The next day I had ticket to the football game and I picked really good day to go there, we won and the game was the most exciting game ever! (Though nothing compared to the NHL game ;) After I got finally home, I just relaxed and in the evening I decided to go out with friends though our bunny ears hadn't arrived (everyone wore costumes because of the Halloween) but I did emergency solution and painted some blood in my lips and neck (and I still have some of the color in my neck, it looks like someone really bit me :P). I drank only one again but it was fun. First we went to a house party but it was boring and they had only beer so we decided to go downtown and there we met some other friends too. I got home in decent time and went to sleep after I had laughed at half naked guy running around the corridors. I woke up when Ashleigh came home and oh my god how drunk she was... Luckily Dezerae went elsewhere to sleep so I could go and sleep in her bed (I was afraid that Ashleigh would vomit all over though she didn't). After about 5 hours of sleep I woke up to read (though without alarm as usual). I was supposed to go and see Meikes soccer game but no-one else went there so I called her and she said it was ok if I didn't go either :) So I read a bit more...

This week I have two exams, so I'm quite busy... Oh and some random things:
We had fire alarm again few weeks ago, someone kept some stuff under the oven... Really smart. And on Monday our endocrinology professor moaned to us that we should be prepared to the exam in time (we had a review session on Friday, the exam is tomorrow) and ask questions on the review session, not after that or worse, a day before exam or even worse, after exam! I was like WTF??? How am I supposed to have time to read all the things that early?? The weekend was only coming and that's when I really have time to read... And I can't always realize everything that early and if you go and ask questions after exam, doesn't that just say that you're really interested?? So weird..
And today Kaisa said: "Taina knows everything, the thing she doesn't know, you don't need to know" :D And that was because I knew what to do with banana flies :D

Tomorrow is Halloween officially. I don't know yet what we're going to do, though I have exam until like 6 pm and I have exam on Thursday too... But we need to wear our bunny ears!

And Oh I haven't written anything about our prank!
I heard I think in the middle of last week at night some laughter and running on the corridor but was too tired to get up. On the morning someone knocked on our door but I had only just woke up so I didn't open the door. As people were walking past our door I heard giggling. I was like oh my god what's wrong there?? (I suspected something in the night too...) I thought that I need to finish my morning coffee before I dare to open the door. So when I finally opened it, there was this huge pile of Daily Iowans that just flooded in :D I was laughing so hard that Ashleigh woke up. We've had before like 3-5 Daily Iowans (we have this white board that says No Daily Iowans, please, and someone wipes the No off and puts random number in it and correct number of Daily Iowans). And on our board, it said 169 Daily Iowans, please :D It was so funny :D

So, something has finally happened :D Though my days still include mostly studying. I've started to miss Tarmo really much. And I mean really much! And I'm ready to go back Finland too, though not that badly as I know that it's so dark in there in this time of year and in here it's like Spring :D I miss our daily routines and I'm starting to be ready to write my Thesis. And for some reason I've planned what kind of courses I could keep and what kind of teacher I'd be :D Not really but only a bit ;) But enough about missing, I don't want to think about it, it makes me only sad.
I should take a shower but I think I'll do that in the morning, I'm too lazy now...

Back to ER

I visited ER again last night, Kaisa was feeling really nauseated (since Monday) so I left there with her. She got some medicine but we were back home a bit after 3 am so I've been a bit tired today, though not as tired as I would've assumed that I'd be.
Luckily I made some work from todays readings yesterday so I'm still in "schedule"... And I made the doctor laugh, I helped Kaisa when she was going to get X-rayed:
"Well, this is the first time I'm opening someone else's bra..."
"Interesting..." (Also the nurse couldn't help it but bursted into a laugh.)

Some random thing:
"What's your name?"
"Taina."
"How do you say that?"
"Taina."
"Like vagina?"
"Not quite, though I have one..."

I've been trying to get a ticket to Saturdays game, and I might have one finally... And tomorrow I'll go and carve some pumpkins, eat pizza and pumpkin pie, watch bonfire and go to a haunted house! And on Saturday I might go to the game and on Sunday I'll go and see some soccer (Meikes team is having the last game in here). So enough to do for the weekend, I still need to find some time to read... I'll have two exams next week!

And I finally found some time to do my laundry! Now I just need to wait for my towel so that I can go and take a shower...

Weather is beautiful. Sun is shining and the air is fresh and crispy. Reminds me of Finnish Spring. And I'm still smiling because of the letter :) What else? I'm quite tired so this is just brain streaming, I should eat something (been just drinking coffee) and I try to kill time so that I get my laundry ready...

Under two months! That's eight weeks!

Oh yeah, almost forgot! I'm so smart that I even surprise myself! :D Last night Kaisa got some medicine for the nausea and it made her twitch. I told her that it's because the drug effects the dopaminergic neurons, like in Parkinson's disease. I meant what I said but I never thought that it'd be THE reason. And today Kaisa gave me this:

Metoclopramide (INN) (IPA: [m?t??klopr?ma?d, -?kl?-]) is a
potent dopamine receptor antagonist used for its antiemetic
and prokinetic properties. Thus it is primarily used to
treat nausea and vomiting, and to facilitate gastric
emptying in patients with gastric stasis.

So I actually knew it!! I'm so smart!!! To bad that it comes and shows itself only occasionally :D But I really need to get something to eat...

A Letter

Oh I just got a letter from a very important person and I'm so happy that my eyes are in tears! ^^ This is my first friend from school so we've known each other for like 15 years and we're still very good friends. She's having her child (I knew that already before I left and I actually bought a gift and a card during the first weeks I was in here :P) and they just moved to a new place and oh! I'm so moved right now ^^

Strange Outfits

Something really weird I've noticed. Which is at the same time nice (for me) and very weird! And this thing is outfits. I dress up like I do in Finland, I use mostly skirts and in the fall and winter time I have this fitting jacket. And all the people say "Oh wow, you've dressed up?, Where are you going looking so nice?"! It's nice but this is how I look like always, if I'm heading somewhere special, I have make up, my hair done and some different clothes.
In Finland you don't go to the university with your sweatpants, you put nice and neat clothes. Not that you dress up or anything, not that neat clothes. But in here, people really go out even with their pajama trousers!!!! I see those EVERY day! And then I feel like I'm stared at because I have a skirt... But at the same time I like it. Most girls that do dress up like I do are in business school, and I'm mere biologist. Beware business girls, here comes a biologist who beats you! HA! Ok, I know, I'm tired... :P

And I got such a surprise today, I had a packet waiting for me! So after I got home (8 pm) I went excited downstairs to get the mysterious packet, got home and opened it. And it wasn't for me!! :(( It was a game that friend of mine ordered here because they don't deliver it to Finland... And I forgot that... But it's good, I need to go to the post office anyway soon :)

See, I feel a lot better now. Sun is shining outside and makes me feel better! And my Animal Behavior exam is over (it went ok) and it's under 2 months that I see my love! Life smiles at me again ^^ And still no pics, this connection is still shit and won't upload my pictures...

Not So Good Week

Finally I have the mood to write here. This week was pretty shit. But luckily it's over. After Mondays bad news I suddenly got in the middle of a "fight" of friends and my friendship was questioned. I felt so upset though I blame myself too. If I had kept my eyes open, I had seen this coming and wouldn't been so upset. But unfortunately I've been living inside my head and didn't see what I was supposed to see. And I usually see those things! I know I'm confusing but I don't want to get into details. So I felt miserable. Then I got sick. What a perfect week.

But I feel a lot better, we figured out the fight and hopefully that was the last time... And I think I had some fever last night too... But I feel a lot better in that field too. Today we cooked with friends in my place (and I had to clean the kitchen, again :F). It was fun and refreshing. But I still need to read something for Animal Behavior, I'll have exam on that on Tuesday. And then I'll have exams every week again until December.
So no rest for this girl until Thanksgiving week.
And it's two months even to see Tarmo!

My roommates were out last night and brought some friends with them but luckily they were here only about an hour. On Saturday I went to bed already at six! I didn't sleep but I felt so bad. And on Friday I tried to go sleeping early too but my roommates went shopping and came back and wanted to show what they had bought :)

Eight weeks... I've been just studying and living inside my thoughts. Tarmo said that our home doesn't feel like home because I'm not there :) I feel quite weird too. I feel like I'm here only like a week or so but the week is never ending week. This feels so temporary (though it is that :D)

But I don't have much to write. Just wanted you to know that I'm still kicking :)

Better Tuesday

Today was better day.

But now I've visited ER in US! No, my godmother didn't die here (can't believe I make a joke about this, but laughing has always been my method to hide from sorrow...) but I took Kaisa to there instead. She had some abdominal pain again and I tried to get her to see a doctor on Sunday but she refused to go. On Monday while we were having our lunch I said, OK, now lets go to the ER! And I'm glad I took her there, even though they still didn't know what's wrong, she got some antibiotics, painkillers and she needs to see the doctor soon again. And if the pain is not gone by tomorrow, I'll make her to see the doctor again :> And even though I missed two lectures, I'm happy that I had something to do yesterday. I was too sad to read and listen during the lectures (almost bursted in tears when Meike said that I look so tired...). And I can go to other lecture on Thursday so I actually missed only one lecture and Endocrinology isn't that bad to miss... Not that I'd want to miss my lectures but it's the easiest course I have. We were at the ER like three hours, waited only 20 minutes to see the doctor! And it was quiet and surprisingly nice there. There was even an aquarium at the waiting room (in Finland all the drunk people would brake it...). Then we went to get her medication and bought some dye for our hair! So my hair is now dark brown (and the color was supposed to be light brown though I knew this...) and I bought two lipsticks too... Beauty things make me feel better, always!
I should buy some of those everstay lipsticks for my mom too, they're so cheap in here!

So it was pretty long and exhausting day yesterday... I was so tired when I finally got back home!

Today I've been studying and I had lunch with Judith. Though I needed three cups of coffee today and even still almost fell asleep during neurobiology lecture! So I think I'm still quite sad... I laugh and sleep my sadness away... My dad sleeps also if he's sad. I believe I got the same thing. But oh my god how stupid people can be! We had our neurobiology discussion today and there was this one question about photoreceptors and something about yellow receptor... And people were so confused... I was like "RGB system people, RGB system!" And I think (and want to believe) that I eventually did well enough on my neurobiology exam, I got B! Though I didn't get good points, but the average was 66/100 and to get A you had to have 74/100... So it was pretty hard exam!

It's getting cold in here. And people dress up so weirdly! There are people with shorts, flipflops and t-shirts (though not all these combined together) and then there are people with winter jackets! So funny...

And sorry, no new pics...

And oh, I just realized, I'm half way done! I've been here 2 months and 6 days and I still have 2 months and 5 days! Or lets say this way, 2 months and 5 days until I see my darling! But that sounds too long, I prefer thinking in weeks because they go by faster than months :> But at the same time I don't want to leave all these wonderful people... And that makes me confused!

No So Good Monday

I heard this morning that my godmother had died...

What's wrong with this year?? Why is everyone dying around me???

Wannabe European Guys

Oh I've been so busy, as usual. On Thursday I started to write my animal behavior cricket lab report, on Friday I read some neurobiology and today I did some statistical analysis for the report. Though otherwise this day was quite waisted but maybe it's good once in a while...

We went last night to Piano Lounge to listen this guy play piano and he was so good. And I had one glass of white wine, so elegant! Though before going downtown we drank one glass of Kaisas white wine :) And we missed the first bus because we couldn't fit in. So we waited for the second one and because the bus ran on "wrong direction" (i.e. it when to other side of the river first) it was empty. And the bus driver had some candy for us and he played music really loud. He also drove really fast and because the benches are quite slippery, Kaisa almost fell on the floor because she didn't hold on :D I had such a good laugh! And the funny thing was that I imagined myself falling on the floor because if I hadn't had a hold of the edge of the bench, I'd have been on the floor because my feet aren't long enough to stop myself on the opposite benches :D It was funny.
And back on our way home there were these three guys and we kept teasing them with Kaisa while waiting for the bus (45 minutes, after that we decided to walk back home) :D They tried to pretend to be from somewhere else (from Europe) but somehow we knew they were from US :D

But today I was sleeping too late, I missed the first 30 minutes of the game! And that means that I slept until 11 am! I can't even remember when I did that last time! So I made some coffee and went to see the game (and we won, finally!) and after that I went to HyVee to do some grocery shopping (Kaisas roommate gave us a ride there). I tried to buy all the food I need (and I can buy beforehand) for the last two moths so that I wouldn't have to do any food shopping anymore.

But now that I'm done with my statistical analysis (I'm too lazy to continue on writing them on the report) and my laundry is done too, I'll go and do something not so useful so that I can be all energized tomorrow.

And I'm almost half through my studies in here! And we rebooked our flights, we'll be back in Finland in 5th January. We didn't get any place to stay in Nashville so we decided that we'll leave earlier. We can't afford to pay for any hotel for three weeks!

Two Months

Two months! I've been here for two months! And still 71 days left until I see my babe...

AND, I did something radical today! We didn't get any place to stay at Tennessee so we're going to leave two weeks earlier than we were supposed to leave. I just changed our flights from 18th to 4th January! We still need to book a hotel... But anyway, we're going to save quite a lot and I get home earlier!

AND, my connection is working!

AND, I had exam today and I will not have exams for two weeks!

Oh happy day!

So, connection problems solved and I can relax a bit. Though I talked with my parents this morning using Ashleighs computer. They were a bit concerned already... And I got yesterday this wonderful reflector from my mom! It's so cute ^^ What else has happened? I had long day, just got home and I'm quite tired... Oh yeah, I saw my global buddy, I haven't seen her for such a long time... We had fun time :)

ps. Tarmo said something wonderful to me this morning and I was one big smile for the whole day ^^

Innocent

As I said, I was innocent. It wasn't me who did anything and yet again it is me who suffers from this. They said that they will restore the connection in two days so I hope it works again tomorrow...

Dream

I had a dream last night that I was back in Finland and we were shopping a couch for us with Tarmo in Tampere. On our way back home I held his hand, leaned in his lap and cried, I don't want ever to leave from you again...

Chicago Baby!

Our weekend was so amazing, I had such a good time!

The city and our hosts welcomed us warmly with hot weather and a cold glass of wine. We were at Chicago at eight and after some chatting we went to downtown to Hancook Center to see Chicago at night time. We were there just in time because it closed just after we were ready with our tour. After that we spent some time trying to find some place to eat and finally went to small pizza/bar place and ate traditional stuffed Chicago pizza and were back home about at one am. We were supposed to get up at seven on the next morning but finally got up at eight and had some breakfast. After that we headed to the Shedd Aquarium, missed our stop and walked all through Millennium Park back to the aquarium. And it was huge and so beautiful! We spent there like four hours, went through all the displays and watched a dolphin show. And I loved the sharks! The wall of that aquarium was curved so that it was on you too! And the sharks were BIG!
After that we walked again through Millennium Park and got to Navy Pier. There we ate good ice creams and continued our trip to the NHL hockey game! Chicago Blackhawks against Detroit Red Wings. And it was so easy to yell "GO HAWKS!" :D Oh we were so excited about the game with Kaisa, there was Tuomo Ruutu playing too! And he made a goal too! And of course we won (though Iowa Hawks didn't win, they had game too that day). The game had some different rules from Finnish hockey, after first 20 seconds there was a fight between two players and the judges didn't do anything! And of course there were all kind of shows in American style. But it was fun to yell PERKELE! And to see hockey, which is kind of the only sports I get excited.
After that we went back home and it was again after midnight and we were so tired after all the walking. Oh yeah, and I almost forgot!! Before the game we went to the beach and took some really nice pictures from there! I just have to get them from Meike first.
On Sunday we got up at nine and had some really good breakfast our host family made (stuffed pancakes) and at 11 am we left again to downtown just to walk around and see the Chicago marathon. There were a lot of people and the weather was hot. We browsed some souvenir shops (and the only thing I bought from Chicago was a Chicago magnet where you can put a pic or card...) and headed back at 2:30. And finally left back to Iowa City at 3:30. So I was in time to see Desperate Housewives!

And the host family was so nice! And oh my god their apartment! It was so beautiful and big! We're going to get some gift basket for them. I really felt welcomed!

So the weekend was really nice, I'm glad we went there. But back to reality, I have Endocrinology exam on Wednesday and I really haven't had time to read for it yet, so I'll have to live at the library again for a few days. And then I need to start to catch up everything else. But then it's no exams in two weeks! And on Tuesday morning I have the appointment. Blah. But I really hope that we can figure out things so that I could talk with my parents again!

On our way back home I listened to Poets of the Fall and dreamed about Tarmo. When we were at Savolinna for the first summer we dated, he took me to a rides and showed me all the pretty places there and we listened to Poets of the Fall then. So it always reminds me of our first summer ^^ And when we were at the beach, I drew his name on the sand <3

ps. I'll post the pics when I get them out from my camera... I was lazy now, sorry! And here's an article about the marathon, someone actually died (there were ambulances running all the time...) http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071008/ap_on_sp_ot/run_chicago_marathon

Culture Shock

Ystavan sanoin:

Normaaleissa sivistysvaltioissa olet syyton kunnes toisin todistetaan, taalla olet syyllinen kunnes toisin todistetaan.

I got an e-mail: the interned guy can't see you next Wednesday, please call or meet the secretary to reschedule the meeting.

So in my luck I will not get the appointment next week. Fuck them!

Luckily I get away from here for the weekend. As I said to Tarmo, it's good that I figured out these systems (and how they don't work) now and not then when we're moving in here. I'm starting to think that I want to be poor my whole life and stay in Finland. US is nice place but these systems don't really work. I can understand the university policies, people in here are really stupid and they need supervision, but I've lived on my own long enough to know how to behave. I don't need people to pamper me or act like I was a child. The thing that I'm an exchange student and not always able to express myself quickly does not mean that I'm stupid.

These little things get me down... And Tarmo is not feeling well either so I feel sad about that... I can handle my "depression" by working and sleeping but the thing that I can't help Tarmo makes me want to cry.

My connection wouldn't be that important to me but it's the only way I can keep in touch with Tarmo, my parents and mother in law. I can't show my feelings (i.e. cry) in public places so that's why I don't want to talk to my mom or Tarmo in our ITC lab. It's not that I'd just cry all the time but I need to be able to cry sometimes when I feel like crying. And we haven't set up any actual times (especially with my mom since we both have a life too) when I'm at computer and when she's at computer so that we can talk. It's just once a week coincidence that we happen to be there at the same time.

I know that I'm in culture shock now (it came a bit late though) and I miss people badly but don't worry, I'm not going to give up!

---
6 hours later...

I feel better already because Tarmo is feeling better :) I wasn't early enough home so I couldn't re-schedule my appointment, I have to go there tomorrow morning before coming here. I still need to do my laundry but all the machines were taken and I need two machines so I'll wait for few hours. Luckily it takes only a bit over hour to get the laundry clean and dry.

But I'll go for a walk with Kaisa...

I really needed the good night sleep, I feel a lot better now! After my morning stuff I went downstairs to talk with Tarmo and tried to call to the internet guy the whole time. Eventually after 1,5 hours not getting any answer I went to the front desk. And they said that their phone hadn't been ringing! But I made the appointment to discuss about my "violation" and got it NEXT WEEK! Because he's not there today and tomorrow I have classes the whole day and he didn't have morning times, I can go to figure this out only next week Wednesday. They told me that he deals with these things only once a week. Argh! Luckily I'm not home on weekend.

But the weather is nice and I'm not tired so I feel a lot better.

The desk lady also said that this had been busy day... I wonder if others has got the same problem too... I still don't have a clue what might be the reason the disabled my connection... But i need to go to my class, I have my neurobiology exam today!

Tornado (real one and me)

OK, I hate this! I want to go back Finland where there is a proper internet connection that is working right! AGAIN! They fucking disconnected me AGAIN!!! Now they accuse me for copyright violation! AGAIN I USE ONLY IRC, SKYPE, MESSENGER AND FIREFOX AND I DO NOT DOWNLOAD ANYTHING!
So now I need to call to some person to talk about my "violation" and they do not take appointments on the same day so I don't get my internet working this week because I'm leaving for Chicago on Friday. For fuck sake! This really pisses me off. Luckily I talked with my mom yesterday. But now I won't hear Tarmos voice until next week...
This is not my day, I'm so tired and pissed off!

I didn't sleep well thanks to someone so I was really tired and I needed to get up early so that I could finish my readings. And Tuesdays are always long days and there was this tornado warning so I couldn't get home. But I'll start from yesterday.

I decided to go to CoralRidge to get some post cards and because of that I needed to read late. I'll have my exam on tomorrow night from 8 to 9 pm. Then I need to start reading for my endocrinology and then I have two weeks time to catch up everything and then it starts all over again. And I asked my professor in Finland about my courses for the next Spring. There's this one course I can't do but we'll figure out what I do with it when I get back in Finland. And I'm still trying to think what to do about the "job course". Maybe I'll figure that out too when I get back. I just need to finish my Masters Thesis and after that I'll think what I want to do. The course would be useful but at the same time I want to graduate asap. I'll see.

And as I already mentioned, I talked with my mom yesterday. And I asked if she was ok because of the dream I had last week. She bursted in tears and sobbed that she's ok, just stressed out because of the water damage and because she misses me. I also asked about my birth (since I've been inspired lately because of this Developmental course) and she told that I was born on week 30. 30! I always knew I was born early, but THAT early... (Her placenta was falling apart.) I wonder if that affects on anything...

And I had a good laugh yesterday because of my self. I was writing a card for my niece and I was thinking in English while writing in Finnish, the I thought that oh no, now I wrote it in Finnish, then I thought no, wait a minute, that's what I was supposed to do :D I'm so funny.

I was reading some Finnish web pages today before my late discussion for two hours and when I finally left to my class, I was really confused and it felt unreal, because I felt that I was in Finland but then again I was walking in Iowa. And it was raining really heavily today and my shoes didn't even get wet! Or they did but my socks didn't! Good shoes!

And I've been feeling a bit down. (Now even more thanks to the internet thing. Well, actually, I'm just pissed off because of that.) But this is weird. When I was single (few years ago when my last relationship ended) I felt down but now this feels better because I'm not alone. I know there is someone else who is missing me also, I'm in someones heart. So my heart is not broken, it just misses someone badly. I'm not alone with my feelings and it makes me feel better.
As I have already mentioned, we're going to Chicago next weekend. But somehow I'm not as excited as I would like to be :( I do want to go and I know it'll be fun. I just need to get the tomorrows exam off me and maybe then I can think something else too...

Weather has been gray and we had a big thunderstorm, Fall is coming. And today when our discussion started at 7 pm, there was sirens and people looked a bit worried. It was a tornado warning. We decided to continue and go to the basement if there is another alarm. On the same time the TA checked where the tornado is going (he said it was in Kalona). At 7.30 pm we got another alarm and we hurried up our questions and finished the class. There was people waiting downstairs and the wind was quite harsh. I could see the lightning but there was no sound. And the lightnings were small and continuous and at the same place for long time. It didn't rain anymore and finally the bus driver opened the bus at 8 pm but we had to wait some other bus so I was heading back home at 8.30 pm. It was quite exciting but what makes me wonder, is that people in here didn't know what to do. it was weird.

So then I got home, found out the not so nice surprise and here I am, at out ITC lab. I just needed to come and write these things down because I don't have the time to do that tomorrow, I need to pack and do some reading on Thursday and on Friday we'll leave as soon as our classes are over.

So I survived from the tornado :D and I'm pissed off again. In a week I've been here for two months, half a way already. And I'm missing my love. But still not homesick, I just miss our Finnish systems... As I said to Kaisa, I do not miss places, I miss people. And I miss them a lot now.

Working Hard

And it's weekend again.

morning I talked with Tarmo before leaving to my class. After my first class I went to the library to read for my Neurobiology exam and Kaisa came there too. We were supposed to go to Kalona Fall Festival later that day (at 6 pm) but Kaisa said that she'll go with the earlierOn Friday I had the most hectic day ever. In the group (3 pm) to there so that she wouldn't miss the homecoming parade. Meike had already said that she'll change the group too but I had my Endocrinology until 3:20 pm. But I started to think that I don't want to miss the parade either. So after lunch we went to ask if there still was seats left on the first group and half an hour before we were supposed to leave, we found out that there will be two cars going so we can go with the earlier group! So we went home to get our school stuff off and change bags because we were going straight from Kalona to the parade. So we left and on our way we visited a cheese factory. There we saw the only Amish people, there were no Amish people at the Kalona festival. The area was small and reminded me of Finnish markets, there was food and antiques. We were ready to leave after 1,5 hours but we had to wait for the others. So we made it just and just to the parade and after that we went to see a free concert. In the middle of the concert we left to eat something and after that we met the others and listened other concert. There was Minus Six again at the town so we went to Q-bar to listen to them and I was back home at 2 am.
I put my eye pads on my eyes so that I could sleep late the next day.

So I woke up today at 9.30 am when Ashleigh left to the game. I went to watch the game at Kaisas place (we lost). After that I came back home, talked again with my mother in law (they showed their new home via webcam!) and took a nap because I was really tired and my head ached. I really appreciate the Finnish bars now, the smoke makes my head ache, I drank only one drink and it took 2 hours for me to finish it so I didn't have a hang over! :D But after napping I felt better, made some food and actually managed to read some Neurobiology ^^

I had a dream few nights ago that my mom cried a lot. I need to ask if she's okay when we talk next time.

And I've been missing home. Sometimes I feel like I would just like to crawl in my bed, go under the blanket and be there in warm. I feel like I would like to be alone, curl up in to fetus position and be in my own thoughts. But I know that's not a good thing to do so I don't do that. Instead I study hard and try to be social. Though being perfectionist (and not so sure how much I need to study to get good grades), studying takes now time from my socializing. But I heard that local students don't take many science courses at a time because they require a lot work (which I've noticed) and that the basic courses are harder in grading so that the people that are not smart enough will drop. But luckily working has always been my way to "grief". If you can call this grieving :D



82 days and I see my baby again. And two days for our half a year anniversary (from our engagement)... Kalona was hard place, there were babies all over! And they all were behaving and so cute :> I need to write an e-mail to my professor and ask about my graduation... I need to ask if I need one course and when do I need to apply for the PhD place... I am beginning to realize that I am actually going to graduate. That's quite scary! I remember the time it seemed that I would just study forever... Though after graduating I will still study :D But at least I get some money.

I love the peace in here. Everyone is partying after the game.

STUPID EXAM

Ok, the Developmental Biology exam was AWFUL!!! It was 12 pages and we had 1 hour 15 minutes time to do it! There actually was a question: Who kept the lecture on 25th September? (We had two different professors) and questions like In this writers paper they came in some conclusions (and these conclusions weren't mentioned), what were they and what controls did they do and why? For fuck sake!!! We had three different papers and I did read them but how the fuck am I supposed to remember who was the writer??? And we had to design some experiments so it wasn't only short answers, so it took time to answer. So an hour and fifteen minutes?? 12 PAGES??? ARGH! I really didn't have time to think the last questions because I thought the exam time was the normal 2 hours and after 45 minutes they said, you have half an hour time. And I had several pages still empty!!! Though I know I knew some things and even the Americans couldn't have finished by the time so I'm not the only one but what is the point making questions no one can answer (or have time to answer) and ask stupid questions like who kept the lecture??? Easy points from that but it took still time to read the question and answers! So stupid... But now I know that my moan about this same thing earlier wasn't in vain... THIS IS SO STUPID!

But I believe I did well enough. I'd better do, my brains hurt. So I went to eat and came home. Poor Kaisa has still one more exam for today and she's sick :( I figured that I don't have to read today, I'll start the neurobiology tomorrow... I'll just rest this evening.

I heard yesterday that my friends dad had passed away :( and she's quite unhappy and it made me hope that I'd be in Finland and able to give her a hug <3 I also talked again with my mother in law (god bless this internet) and their house is finally ready and she told me that they have two quest rooms, one for their daughter and one for us (meaning Tarmo and me). She said actually for us, and it made me feel so good ^^ I don't know why but I was so touched!

I'm still planning for the future... Besides the family stuff I've been thinking what I will do after graduation. I hope I can get a PhD place from our university but if I don't, what then? Someone promised me last Winter that I could go to their company to do some toxicity tests so that would be one option. I'm also hoping that I have enough time to do some practice in some company (we can do that via university before graduation) so that I'd get to know that side too... and some people and maybe get job... I don't know. But it's good to have some plans.

I talked (I mean talked, actually talked) with Tarmo today. It made me happy again :) But we can't do that too often, we don't have the time and every time I speak with him I start missing him more and more. And if I talked with him every day so that I heard his voice, I'd be depressed because of the longing. I had a dream last night that I went into his lap and it was so warm to be there... Then I woke up because of the alarm clock :(

Expressing Mother Genes

Okay, this is the thing I was moaning yesterday:

I read the whole weekend to the developmental biology exam (and not to the behavior exam because developmental biology is more interesting, though I had the behavior exam today...) and learned the major things we've gone through so far. And I learned those things so that I really understood them but then I saw the last years exam and I got depressed and angry! The exam was full of details! And only details! Well okay, mainly details but still! You can't measure your BASIC knowledge by asking questions about little details, the course is INTRODUCTION to Developmental Biology! Details are for more advantaged people (and obviously for smarter people than me...)
But anyway, that was the thing blogger.com decided to delete last night... And so I had my Animal Behavior exam today and it actually went better than I expected (because I lost my motivation for reading because of the detail questions). Though I didn't answer for two questions (I just couldn't remember two terms and I had absolutely no clue about C. elegans mechanoreceptors molecular basics and how touching with eyelash affects ti those molecules... though I do remember the professor mentioning researchers without eyelashes... :D). And I wasn't sure about few of the questions but mainly I knew the answers, so at least I passed (I hope). I actually heard some guy complaining about the exam on neurobiology discussion after the exam :D
And yeah, in here you write only your student number on the exam, no names! And you don't need to show any ID when you return the exam...

And I started menstruating today! Two days earlier than normally! I think it's because of my mother genes are expressed more actively than normally (yes, I've been reading genetics :D) No but really I think it has something to do with my mental disorder I've had lately...

I talked with my mom today and she sounded a bit worn out... I wonder what's wrong... It might be because of the water damage that stresses her and it starts to get dark in Finland now and people get depressed... I hope she'll get better! It was raining the whole day today and when I came back home, it was already dark and the streets were wet and full of yellow leaves, Fall, just like in Finland! And it was quite cold!

I need to start to go through my notes for the damned INTRODUCTION to Developmental Biology exam... I have the exam on that on Thursday, then I have to start go through my Neurobiology notes and read the chapters and after than exam (next Wednesday) I need to catch up everything and then (or even before I finish catching up...) it's time for Chicago! We even bought tickets for a ice hockey game there! And we're going to stay at Melissas relatives :) and on this Friday we'll go to Kalona Festival! It's kind of Amish festival that's near here. And on Friday night we'll go to see Minus Six again!

And I got a letter from my niece today! She's like 12 or something (I'm sos bad with ages, I can't even remember how old I am!) and asked what's my favorite food and when am I coming back ^^

Stupid Introduction

I got Finnish candy today! Never ever has salmiakki tasted this good <3

(part of post deleted because blogger.com didn't know how tho handle my pic and decided to erase half of my text and ARGH and I'm too tired to do that again... So it just continues from here and no pics this time :P)
...
because I felt that I should had learned only details and not the basics in detail...) Well I just need to see how it goes. And about the Animal Behavior course, since I spent so much time in developmental biology, I didn't have enough time to read for this course and I lost my interest because of the detail thing... Luckily I have some time to go through my notes tomorrow morning... And luckily I can take my classes as passed and not with grades... I just hope that I pass! I really prefer Finnish system. We have usually only one exam during the course and by knowing the basics you pass and by knowing details you get an A. But in here you have three to four exams in a course and they seem to ask mainly details... In Finland we have few questions where we have to define some things plus two to four essays (real essays, you need to write two to four pages!) and it usually takes two hours to complete the exam. In here you have ten pages of multiple choices, some defines and short essays (meaning sentence or two!) and you complete the exam in an hour. And did I already mention the details??? In my opinion you can't measure your knowledge by details, you need to know the basics and big concepts and by details you show that you are smart and interested in that thing... It might seem easy but it's not, you really need to understand the big concept before you can understand the details! And what's that about grading people with Gaussian function??? That does not measure knowledge, if people are stupid, they are stupid and still get A's! (I just chatted with my suite mate for an hour so I lost my thoughts.) But I think that was enough anyway. And I'm starting to miss home. I've chatted with my mother in law and she sent me nice pictures of their new house and I'd just like to visit there... I'm starting to miss my own bed, my own kitchen... And I'm starting to miss Tarmo so much that occasionally it makes me depressed. I really need to keep myself busy now so that I don't get time to think too much. I still love Iowa City and I don't want to leave yet but this is getting worse... Maybe it's because now I have only my courses and I really don't have time for socializing anymore, at least not as much as I'd like to have... My normal day begins at 7:30 am (and I really wake up without alarm clock), I get up, make breakfast and back my bag and get ready, then I come to talk with Tarmo and then I go to my classes, after that I study and I get home at 8 pm. And by that time I'm just so tired that I'd just like to sleep but I try to do things and get bed at 10 pm. I don't like being at home because I don't like this room as much as I like my own house and I have my computer in here so I really can't concentrate in here. And it's noisy. Moan moan. Not really. I got chocolate and salmiakki!! But now I got stuck with my mouth again. And it's late enough so that I can go bed again! I have the same thing my dad has, if he's sad, he sleeps. Maybe that's why I'd just like to sleep.. Though I love sleeping :>

I've been thinking about future a lot. I've kind of started to realize that I'm going to graduate next Summer. And then I get money, at least a lot more money than I get now, and then I'm able to save some money! I already planned that I'd get my drivers license next Spring. I just need to start saving which means that I need to save in here too, but that's not hard, I don't have the time to do any shoppings anyway! And I could ask some money from my parents as my birthday and christmas gift... And then I'm graduating and we need to start planning ti get a car because we don't get the discounts anymore so it'd be worth of buying a car... And then... some family things I've been thinking... Oh I hate this baby boom! And then again I love it :D I'm crazy, I know.

But the bed. It calls me.